I don’t have to dwell in the future


January 1, 2016: the new year had just rang when my angel said ‘mama’ for the first time. She said it in front of 3 people, daddy included. There was no denying, I was starting 2016 with my title officially announced by my baby. Talk about joy!

Parenting is a lot of things (in my short experience), but perhaps the three that I think about the most are: awesomeness, responsibility and reward. I am baffled by the speed at which my baby has grown. Whatever happened to my little sleepy kitten?

Ava is barely 7 months old and already sits, stands, crawls and takes steps while holding onto objects. When did this happen? It is awesome and rewarding to see this little human cub become a person of her own…one who calls me mom.

I am always thinking of the future…it keeps me going. I need to envision, visualize, dream, plan, device the future, then talk about it, then make it happen. That energizes me. That keeps me going. I need to be in the future at all times.

Not too long ago something struck me. I don’t think too much about Ava in the future. I think about work in the future. Garrett and me in the future. Life in general in the future…but not Ava. I worried. Was this a defense mechanism in case something happened? After all, raising a human is a task you embrace a day at a time. Was I afraid of dreaming up a future that might not come? Where was my faith? Did I not want that future? Then the answer came to me.

I don’t think too much about Ava in the future because for the first time in my life the present is overwhelmingly perfect. I want to enjoy it, savor it, make it mine. I want the present to slow down, I want the past to come back and hang out for a while. I want the present to linger, because it’s perfect.

For the first time in my adult life the present is where I want to be. She keeps me going. I am in love with that little one who calls me mom.



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