A mom in suburbia: 33 signs

My 22 year old self would laugh so hard at this list. The writing is on the wall, I am a middle aged woman trapped in the mainland.

1. I actually think the gift of appliances is kind of romantic. Thanks hunnie for my sexy miele vacuum.
2. Yes, that fresh scent is essential oils mixed in all my natural cleaning products…to think I used to mock those people.
3. Dine in? Mmm, do they deliver? I’d rather direct a Broadway show than get everyone dressed for a meal.
4. So many highly rated restaurants in the city, so many options for date night! By the time we arrange a babysitter and make the drive…How about take out?
5. I have seen things only parents could understand. I am damaged goods in the bodily fluids department thanks to my offspring.
6. Did I mention I enjoy vacuuming the floors? Basically, I have turned into my mom.
7. Forget the cleaning lady…I just need 3 hours to get this house cleaned the right way. My way! (What is happening to me?)
8. The sun is out. Break out the chalk. It’s time to draw on the sidewalk. Distant memory of beach days and drinks plays in my mind.
9. I own a crockpot and use it often. Fail to plan=Plan to fail. #parenting
10. Yeah, I freeze meals these days. I became one of those people as well.
11. Gardening is a real thing. Nothing like tomatoes and onions you have shielded from the forces of nature and voracious birds.
12. Thank goodness Disney produces such high quality movies. Can you imagine watching Frozen a million times if it sucked? Yes. We have watched it at least a million times.
13. Our Amazon Echo plays Finding Nemo’s soundtrack most of the day. The sad part is that I like it.
14. I wash my hair in the middle of the night. Those 15 minutes of silence are therapeutic.
15. I own my share of Lularoe leggings and dresses; bought them in the name of comfort and became one of those people.
16. I live in music city but rarely go to a musical event. The city is like 25 miles away.
17. Fine dining: drive-thru hibachi. How things have changed.
18. At what time is story time at Barnes and Noble? To think I attended a couple of first dates at BN and never noticed the kids section.
19. Who loves audio books? This girl! Let’s be real, no one wants to read a business book after Llama, Llama red pajama.
20. I own and wear so many Lee Company branded items…I am pretty much a walking billboard.
21. My coffee mug is Lee Company branded. Pretty sure I used to have a cute mug with a motivational quote not long ago.
22. Summertime margaritas in my neighbor’s backyard fill up our social calendar. They have the margaritaville machine!
23. My online shopping carts are filled with clothes I will not buy because I am in between sizes. What if this is my permanent new size?
24. I have started using the anti wrinkles products I bought in my mid-twenties. Better late than never.
25. My patience for drama has worn rather thin. I am more of a “give it to me straight” kind of person these days.
26. I wish the silly jogger who runs through our cul-de-sac at freaking 4 am would just go away. Our dogs go nuts thanks to you! Why do we have to suffer the consequences of your healthy lifestyle? Buy a treadmill!
27. I lie, I do like drama; especially the one that unfolds a few times a week on our community Facebook group. I should have real social interaction, I know.
28. Who knew I would start napping at 30? You sleep when they sleep is pure gold in the advice scale.
29. Sadly, our dogs only get my attention while I am on the toilet, I am a captive audience at that point.
30. Did I mention my squatty potty? Oh my! You must buy one like right now!
31. Love is: “I got this one hunnie”, in reference to a poopie diaper.
32. Chicken tenders make such a great dinner. Yes, I am one of those people too.
33. Can I just say Publix sushi is so unjustly underrated?

I love the quirky ways of our days.

Cheers to being 33!

PK

A happy mom in Murfreesboro, Tennessee.