Becoming a family of 4

The amazing Feldman-Hernandex

Ava had just turned one year old. It was the beginning of June and Garrett’s high school wrestling coach was visiting with his family. I had a strange craving, beer; I am not a beer drinker. Garrett and I joked about the craving as it was something that accompanied me during my pregnancy with Ava. I excused myself, 10 minutes later I was holding a positive pregnancy test in my hand!

Excitement ensued. Baby #2 was coming, Ava was going to be a big sister! Then reality check: I would have to share my love and attention with another kid. Could I do that? Was that possible? Would I be a good mom to 2 kids? Would Ava resent the change? Etc.

The very first statement our doctor made during our visit was: “yes, you will have enough love for both of them.” Apparently being able to love more than one kid is a very common fear.

Here we are a year and a half later. Elliott was born in February and life has been so much better because of his existence. It took us about 2 weeks to wrap our minds around the idea of life with 2. The extra gear, the extra diapers, the extra activity, the extra snuggles…our world expanded.

Ava has done a great job as a big sister. There is the occasional “he pulled my hair” and “don’t push your brother” conversation but even that can be charming.

About Elliott; he brings out of me a love so tender and sweet. It’s amazing to see how different two little people raised in the same environment can be. He is observant, playful, sweet, so happy, so laid back, super attached to me. He celebrates his sister’s shenanigans with enthusiasm, owns the heart of his teachers, has daddy wrapped around his little finger, and as far as I am concerned…he is mine and I am his.

Life is not perfect. I’ve had the occasional meltdown. Some diapers have me made want to set the house on fire. I’ve had to walk out of the room when crying seems to be an untamable monster. Laundry is a never ending task. Taking a shower in peace has become a treat…we can go on and on.

All that stuff is fleeting though. We are collectively happy. Our hearts are full. Who knew humans could love so hard? I still adore my Ava. Elliott is the icing on top of everything that is good. My darling and I are growing up and old together.

Dear Elliott, I want you to know that you are loved beyond measure.


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